Transformers review

What makes an amazing movie? Is it a clear definition of good and evil? Is it compelling characters? Is it an interesting story? Well I won’t even get into what makes an amazing movie because Transformers is not an amazing movie. It’s not a classic. It won’t go down in time with the original Star Wars trilogy, it can’t compare to The Godfather, and it couldn’t even be 10% of what Casablanca was. However Transformers is an action packed thrill ride, that is definitely entertaining.

If you saw the trailer that was originally released for the movie last year then you would know that there were some robots on Mars. These robots are the transformers. Seperated into two factions, the Autobots and Decepticons, wage war against on and another for some reason that is not clearly defined in the movie. Their war eventually destroyed their planet, of Cybertron, and sent the All Spark (aka giant cube that gives life) into space. So the two robot factions went looking for the cube. When the leader of the Decepticons, Megatron, learned of the All Sparks’ location he traveled after it. Luck would have it that the All Spark landed on Earth, in the Arctic Circle to be exact.

Flash forward tens of thousands of years later we have some explorers traversing the Arctic Circle for the first time in the history of man. One of said explorers happens to be the grandfather of our main protagonist, played by Shia Labeouf. He falls into the ice and discovers a frozen Megatron. Because humans are idiotic, he touches the robot which triggers it’s navigational device which leaves an imprint of the directions to the All Spark on the man’s glasses.

And that’s the reason the two fueding factions are heading towards Earth. The Decepticons (Starscream, Soundwave, Blackout, etc.) want to find the All Spark to use Earth’s technology to create more transformers and take over Earth as their own home. The Autobots (Optimus Prime, Ratchet, Jazz, Bumblebee, etc.) want to prevent this from happening. For some reason Optimus Prime feels that we as humans need to choice our own destiny, and hopefully not kill ourselves over war like the Autobots and the Decepticons did (Watch the fucking movie, World Leaders!).

Anyways I won’t get TOO into it, because as I said earlier the movie doesn’t have very compelling characters. They were cartoony and the acting wasn’t very well done. Only Shia Labeouf really did an amazing job, and I can’t even remember his characters name. Honestly the only characters names I remember are characters I knew of before the movie came out, either through reading up on the movie or just reading a lot of Transformers Wikipedia info. All you need to know is that the Decepticons are defeated, the cube is destroyed (for good), and Starscream escapes. Yes, the Decepticon escapes which sets up a sequel .The sequel that the studio behind the movie bought a month or so ago. Oh and the Autbots (without Jazz, RIP) decide to stay on Earth. Bumblee stays with Shia, so Shia could have sex with his girlfriend on top of the car…which was eerly disgusting and hot at the same time. Go figure.

I liked the movie, don’t get me wrong, it was entertaining. It was everything I expected. Michael Bay knows how to make over the top action packed films, like Bad Boys and The Island. Of course the film wasn’t very good. The characters weren’t that great, which is why I can’t remember many of their names. The pop culture references, although funny, were uneeded (an XBox 360 morphs, and President Bush asks for “Ding dongs”). Josh Duhmal destroying Blackout was just dumb, why did he slid on the ground like that? Could a human physically even DO that? Honestly, could one? He slid for a good 20 feet, and that seems like it would chew up ones back.

Entertaining film, none the less. I recomend it to everyone. It’s an action packed roller coaster that will honestly have you on your seat. It won’t be a blockbuster hit (our theater was barely filled), but it will be a fun movie. Plus it’s very funny (thanks to Shia), so that’s good.